potty training and big kids and chicken suits, oh my!

mia has completed her first week in the "big kid" class and begun full time potty training. we were so worried that she would feel overwhelmed by it all and that the potty training might freak her out a bit. we should know better than to worry about her by now.

at the end of her first day she was stoked about the big kid class and all the new things she had to do and play with. she even knew a handful of kids in the class from her old class. and the best part (for us, at least)? she hasn't had one accident since the potty training began. not one. not at school, not at home, not even on the weekend. and she's only woken up wet twice in the last week. it's really pretty amazing.

one of her favorite teachers sent home a card for her that said "thank you for being socially competant". there must have been a mixup at the hospital, right? :) hee.

she's also becoming more insistent on what she wears and how her hair is done (or in most cases simply not done). last night she went to bed in pajamas and a pullup per normal and played and giggled in her bed for 10 minutes or so. when i went to check on her before heading to bed i damn near peed myself. she had stipped naked (including her pullup) and had replaced her pajamas with her favorite outfit - her chicken suit. she let me put the pullup back on but there was no way in hell she was going to let me remove the chicken suit without a fight, so i didn't. this morning she woke up so proud of herself. she was still a chicken! and a chicken with dry pants!

Impending fatherhood

**originally written by josh just before mia changed our lives. thank you, mom, for holding onto this for me.

I don't write too much about the fact that I'm going to be a dad in the next couple months, not because I'm not excited or anything like that, but mostly because it's an experience so many others have gone through that I don't think it would be all that interesting to anyone else. And really, I don't have much to say beyond "I'm excited." I imagine it will be quite a shock when that baby finally pops and I'm suddenly a dad, but dads don't bond till the baby's out, moms have 9+ months of bonding before there's a baby in the world. I've prepared myself the best way I know how and try to take advantage of the time to myself I know I won't have come BIRTHday. But really, it's hard to think about anything other than the pregnant wife, as I won't have any idea what my baby will be like until s/he's out. And the pregnant wife is quite a lot to think about and if I stop thinking about the pregnant wife I'll surely be reminded in the next two minutes. I suppose that, in a way, taking care of a pregnant wife is akin to taking care of a child. They are not shy about talking about bodily functions, they are unruly, impatient, seem to always have a booboo, need lots of love, always asking for something, blah blah blah. So that there is a preparation of sorts and a way of bonding with the baby in a six degrees of seperation kind of way. The baby needs me because my wife needs me. But it's a role sort of akin to a personal assistant to the bonding executive. I even have paperwork to complete, like daycare apps, finance papers for the babysafe car, and family leave forms. I'm certain it will all be worth it. My wife is hurting and impatient but all we both really want is to start being parents. The baby is a reward for enduring the punishment of pregnancy. I really believe that pregnancy is a punishment. As much as I know my wife loves me, pregnancy is hard on her emotionally and physically and incredibly hard on a relationship. Before pregnancy, a certain amount of selfishness in a relationship is perfectly acceptable. Pregnancy starts to break that down, codepency is no longer a psychological concept. My wife really needs me to help her physically and emotionally and I need her to prepare me to become a dad and that comes in the form of feeling the thumps from the lump (feeling the belly) and doing household projects to prepare. Following pregnancy, and I'm only guessing here, we become parents and the codependency shifts from her and I needing each other to the baby needing us. I am certain this will be more rewarding and for that I am truly excited. So come on baby, let's enjoy the fruits of mama's labor (pun intended)!

there's a lot of growing up going on these days.

things are really changing in our lives these days. especially for mia. she's growing up so fast, it seems. it must be really hard for her to handle all of the changes going on in and around her. some days (like yesterday...dear lord, thank you for putting yesterday behind us...) i think we get a glimpse into her teenage years. and i'm scared.

she's still a baby in so many ways but then she turns her head just so and says something completely adult and i realize how big she really is. she's nearly 2 and a half. she wants to be swaddled after her baths and rocked before bed time. but god help you if you try to help her into her seat for dinner or help her get her shoes on. "I CAN DO IT!!" when she's tired because she missed her nap (which she obviously didn't need, oh noooo...) she just cries and cries with the tired. telling me that she just needs to cry a little bit. and i know just how she feels. poor kid. at least she can tell lme how she's feeling these days - i've been waiting for that for a long time. to have a peek inside her crazy little head.

and today? today she's moving into the "big kid class". they're moving her up 2 months before she's scheduled because she's so "mature". just a couple weeks before she becomes a big sister. a couple weeks before she is pulled out of daycare until june. she's leaving behind all of her friends that she's known for the past year to join a class of kids that are much older, bigger and crazier than her.

AND! potty training. full on, no more pull-ups potty training. as of this morning my baby is a full time panty wearing little girl. and it's killing me a little.

as i got her ready for school this morning we were talking about her first day in her new class and she got this look on her face like she might cry. i asked her if she was nervous and she sat down on my lap and told me very matter of factly that "yes, mama, i'm nervous". and then she giggled and put on her big girl care bear panties, made sure her name was written in them and smiled the biggest smile you've ever seen. she was so proud of herself.

josh dropped her off this morning and said that she was a little overwhelmed but didn't cry. but i did.

pregnancy - 37w 4d

i went in today with really high hopes that things had progressed. i'd been having more and more intense braxton hicks contractions and my pelvis feels like it's being split open. good signs!

but no. nothing has progressed. and because the baby gave me a break in the pain and movements today the doctor gave me another ultrasound to make sure that the baby hadn't flipped into a breech position. it hasn't. it is, however, at an angle into my pelvis on the right side. just like mia was. and i haven't progressed at all.

i was told that the baby would not be coming this week and to get out and walk. at which point i had to try very hard not to burst into tears. i honestly don't know why i'm so obsessed with getting the baby out. other than being uncomfortable and fearing for a huge baby, i mean. it's just not ready yet - i just have to keep telling myself that. sure, i might be ready, but that means nothing. bah.

oh, and i gained another 3 lbs. since last week. damnit all to hell. not gonna stop me from stuffing my face with indian food at lunch, though.

panty watch.

seems like my whole life since the time i was 12 has revolved around the state of my underwear.

you spend all this time waiting to get your first period. and then it's here and you become obsessed with making sure you don't spot through your clothes at school. nothing is more terrible.

then you have the years where you are not ready to have a baby so you're constantly checking to make sure that you've started your period.

and then you make the jump to being ready to start a family and spend the next few years crying every time you start your period.

then you get pregnant and pray each day that you will not start spotting. "please don't let there be any blood" every time you go to the bathroom.

and now i'm at the point in my pregnancy where i'm hoping to see blood again. "please let there be some sign that this is coming to an end. bloody show - where are you?!"

but it's not just my panties i'm watching these days. mia's joining the panty watch party next week with full blown potty training. that's right. no more pull ups - panties only.

it's all panties, all the time around here, i tell ya.

josh here reporting post baby shower

So it's not unusual that I have someone call me over to discuss a computer problem in our sales office so I thought nothing of it when I got a call summoning me to one of the salesperson's office to fix a computer problem she could not explain. It was unusual to be pointed in the direction of the conference room when i knew full well that this salesperson did not work in the conference room. It was downright shocking to see all my fellow employees standing around a cake with a pretty yellow tablecloth and duckies adorning said table. And the shock had to be noticed by all in the room because I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and I literally could not speak or process that my co-workers were throwing a baby shower for me.

I really thought I was invited there for someone else's birthday party but everyone was staring at me so eventually it sunk in that all these duckies were for me. It was shocking on a number of different levels. First, I'm a dude, so all modern conventions aside where it's not unusual for there to be co-ed baby showers, it is certainly not the norm. Secondly, I rarely socialize with my co-workers and over four years working here I have never received anything more than a card when my birthday rolls around. This last point is mainly of my own doing, I just am not a real social guy at work.

So all in all, they completely surprised me and I'm certain I was terrible at showing my gratitude because I'm just terrible at saying thank you properly but I think they got the point that I was pleasantly surprised.

just in time...

...for it to not be ok. mia, the kid who could not sleep in our bed not because we didn't want her to but because she would want to play and giggle and poke us in the eyes? wants to (and can) sleep in our bed. she has crawled into our bed the past 3 days and then gone back to sleep for over an hour each time. which is great in that she's sleeping longer. but not so great in that we have a queen and soon will have a little one in there for her to squish and be jealous of.

and what are we going to tell her? that there's only room enough for the baby? that's just awful. but i don't want to tell her she can't climb into bed with us for her last hour of sleep in the morning, either. i've been waiting 2 years for her to snuggle with me in bed. can't win, i tell ya.

in other news, i'm still pregnant. which i should be, i suppose, as i'm only 37 weeks along. but still. the increasing braxton hicks and trouble getting around have grown old. AND (this one is for all of you haters out there - you know who you are) i got my first stretch mark. it's little and not too dark (yet) but it's still there. right smack in the middle of my belly.

i've just been a bit of an emotional wreck this weekend. no c-section - hooray! but possible huge baby which could then lead to a c-section. crap! also, i am really excited and anxious to begin labor on my own this time. i didn't get to do it with mia and feel like i missed so much. of course, they'll probably want to induce me soon if i don't start progressing since they think the baby is big. and i really don't want that at all. and round and round it goes in my head until i just end up on the couch in a heap. crying for no reason and telling mia that no, i'm not sad, i got an owie but i'll be ok. stupid hormones and fake contractions giving me hope of delivering early.

but anyway...

we've begun to get things even more ready around the house. bought a crazy huge amount of diapers and wipes, there's the baby meds we might need, the lotions and creams i'm sure we'll need, etc. and today? today we shop for snacks. i plan to fill the cupboards with things to snack on so i won't have to either leave the house or cook for a while. hell, i should do that anyway as i neither like to leave the house or cook - new baby or not.

news is good.

so! the doctor just called and there is no sign of placenta previa! which means no scheduled c-section.

also, the baby is measuring at 7.2 lbs. holy wow. that's about what mia weighed when she was born at 42w 5d. holy mother. so i've been ordered to "get up and walk and get that baby out of there before it gets much bigger." and that's what i'll do, i guess. walk, clean, hell, jump up and down if i need to.

everybody together now - "get out, baby!"

no news is no news.

36w 4d and nothing to tell. had an appt. this morning and expected to hear the results of the ultrasound from monday but they hadn't recieved the results yet. they're supposed to call me with the results of those today, though.

what she could tell me is that i'm not quite 1cm dilated and my cervix is soft. and that she guesses that the baby is about 7lbs already. now we all know how guesses go but i still have at least 3 weeks to go - ah! i sure hope they call with the baby's actual measurements soon.

oh, and i'm 136lbs. 33 lbs gained so far.

pregnancy - 36 weeks

we had another set of ultrasounds yesterday to check on the baby's size and the palcenta's location but we won't know anything for certain until tomorrow. so why am i even bothering with this post, you might ask? well so that i can show you one of the two most beautiful babies in the world, that's why. i give you, el-bow:

as you can see s/he has the same lips and cheeks as mia already. and those are some pretty good parts, you know!

and then there's me. the carrier. how am i doing, you ask? i. am. done. i'm anxious to get this show on the road. i'm tired and uncomfortable and none of my clothes have fit for weeks now.

yesterday the ultrasound tech said that she "couldn't see" my placenta. which is good in that it's most likely moved out of the way of my cervix and so i won't have to have a c-section (again, we won't know that until tomorrow) but on the other hand - shouldn't she have seen it somewhere? i mean, we know it's in there, so where is it, exactly? doesn't give me too much confidence in her and i'm thinking that we might have to go back in for another round of ultrasounds. bah.

i got all worked up and upset about the possibility of having a scheduled c-section but after a few weeks and as i grew more and more uncomfortable the idea kind of grew on me. i would know when it was coming. i could take some time off beforehand without worrying that i was going to go really late again. it would be over soon! but now i'm back to square one. and having to reaquaint myself with the thought that this baby could be in here for a while and i can't plan a thing. but it's good. natural is better than an operation. i know that. but still. i'm done.

i do think that the baby will come out sooner rather than later, though. with mia i wasn't uncomforatble at all, really. i mean, i was huge and swollen but i wasn't really all that put out being pregnant. not this time. i feel the baby down low - much lower than i ever did with mia. my braxton hicks have been picking up over the past couple days and come this weekend i'll be "at term" and can safely have the baby. so maybe this one will be just as we thought and be the "anti-mia". in that it will come early and be a completely different kind of newborn. the good and the bad all rolled into one.

and how's mia handling this all, you ask? splendidly. we've set up the nursery complete with the swing, bouncy chair, baby toys, blankets, etc. and mia is in heaven. she has been playing quietly in the baby's room every day now. i'll find her all wrapped up in a blanket, bouncing in the bouncy seat and playing with a rattle. it really is sweet. and yes, it's a little weird and she might have a hard time adjusting at first but really? the baby can't play with most of these things for months anyway and mia has decided that it's her job to teach the baby how to do certain things. namely: how to sit up and how to play with it's toys. she's told me that she will help with diapers and give the baby lots of kisses. she asks us every day "is the baby coming?"

yesterday she could see the baby's face clearly in the ultrasound and it hit her a little more that there was a baby in there. she spent the rest of the day hugging and kissing the belly and watching it move. and last night every time she thought i was uncomfortable or in pain she would pat my shoulder and ask oh so sweetly "oh mama, the baby's moving?" i love that kid.

of course she's not all sunshine and rainbows right now - don't get me wrong. she's fully embracing the twos with all her might and has been standing her ground on things a lot more. she's also been a bit more emotional than we're used to. especially when she's tired. the other night she got to crying about something and couldn't calm down so she put her head on my belly and told me that she would "just cry a little bit, mama, ok?" and so she did. and then she was better. sometimes it just feels better to cry.

so yeah, i think she's gonna be just fine. sure, it might take a while and there will be bouts of jealousy, but that's normal and expected.

more bits

is it? - mia's new thing. she will tell you what something is: "the hat is purple, mama" and then, a second later, will say "is it, mama? is the hat purple?" she does this for everything. confirming that she was right in the first place and showing off her new questioning skills. her growing sentence structures really are amazing.

for the love of baby - mia now has 3 baby dolls. a cabbage patch kid ("big baby"), a regular baby ("other big baby") and a cabbage patch newborn ("little baby"). she insists that they all sleep with her and they take turns riding in the stroller. at least one of them always has a poopy diaper (which is weird since mia never has a poopy diaper) and they all need hot milk in their bottles. all day long. she is so ready for the real baby to get her. she asks me every day if the baby is coming. and when? wednesday? no, not wednesday, mia. but soon.

we've started preparing the nursery and have taken out old clothes and toys for washing. yesterday she took a teething ring out of the nursery and told me "this is for me, i'll take this home now." um, ok...when i told her what it was she put it back. she didn't want to play with anything that was meant for the baby to chew on, i guess.

but she's doing really well considering all the change in the house. she made me lie her down in the crib so she could stare at the mobile "like the baby" and giggled because she is obviously too big for a crib now. she told me all about her big bed and then went on to tell josh and i all the things she's going to teach the new baby to do when it gets here. like sit. and play.

she's gonna be an awesome big sister.

holiday review

whew, it's over! ok, i really shouldn't start it out like that, should i? it really wasn't so bad - i'm just tired and cranky and huge. it was actually a nice and mellow holiday season in our house this year. the last one for a long time, i'm guessing.

hanukkah!
mia's first realy hanukkah. sure, she was around last year but she didn't really know what the hell was going on and we were all sleep deprived what with having a 3 month old and all. so! this year josh's family made the trip to our house and we ate and ate and ate. at least i did. mia had (and loved) her first latkes. thank god. what would we do if she didn't eat them? oh yes, we would have had more for us. but the kid who doesn't really like potatos is starting to come around.

when we started lighting the candles she was all sorts of confused. she knew there were presents involved at some point (and had been very patient about it), mom had made a cake, and now there were candles. so far so good. and people were starting to sing! but wait. that's not happy birthday - what the hell is going on?! seriously, the look on her face as she looked at everyone singing the prayers was hysterical. like this was some great big joke and she had better get to open those presents, damnit!

and she did. and how. can you say spoiled? she didn't even get any presents from josh and i that night because, well, she didn't need them. her babi and zadi and aunt tracey and uncle adam took care of her, i tell you what.

but more than the presents she was so excited to have her cousins in the house. we don't see them nearly enough and they're really really great boys. at 12 and 10 you'd think they would get bored pretty quickly with a bossy 2 year old, right? nope, they played with her for 4 hours. she bossed them all around and showed off her room. they giggled and chased and she was in love. she still asks me nearly every day where they are and tells me she misses them.

the rest of the rest of the week was really low key and we didn't go anywhere. every night we lit candles after dinner and every night mia would light them and then bask in their glow for about 10 seconds. as though she was really soaking in the moment. and then she would turn and ask "presents now?" she caught on quick, that one.

what really struck me was that she was able to keep hanukkah and christmas straight in her head somehow. we've had the christmas and hanukkah decorations up since thanksgiving and there were even 1 or 2 presents under the tree. we told her once that she had to wait until christmas to open those presents and that seemed to be enough. she never really asked about them. sure, she would poke at them every now and again, but then we would hear her tell herself "wait 'til christmas." and put it back. hopefully this will continue.

christmas!!
for the first time in 5 years we didn't go back to albuquerque for christmas this year. i was too pregnant and mia isn't free anymore :( but you know what? it was really nice having our very first christmas alone. and our last christmas with just mia.

growing up, i hated how my dad woke us all up at 5:30 in the morning by banging pots together and making all sorts of other ridiculous noises. we still try and keep him under control when we visit. but now i sort of understand. josh and i were up at 5:30 laying in bed waiting for mia to wake up. she wakes up consistently between 6 and 6:30 every. single. day. so at 6 we got up and started the day. made coffee, started some food, checked the internet, did dishes (complete with pot banging), turned on some music, etc. then it was 7. then 7:30. the hell?!

finally, she came into the hallway and found us waiting for her like paparrazi with the cameras and the loud voices. we got some crazy dirty looks! until she saw the presents under the tree behind us. then it was game on.

i wish josh had gotten a picture of her opening her stocking because that was the one thing i don't really think she was prepared for. presents in the already cool oversized sock grandma had made for her. score!

and in the end she got all she really wanted. panties and a baby stroller. and then she was done with us.

new years! and uncle ben!

mia has been carrying around this 1st grade photo of her uncle ben for weeks now. she sleeps with it. it's her uncle ben. not mine. and certainly not yours. so there. so when he told us he was coming for a visit mia was beside herself. telling me that uncle ben was going to chase her and tickle her and sleep in her room. end of discussion.

i kind of worried that she would be let down when uncle ben showed up and wasn't a first grader any more but was, instead, a tall 17 year old man. a man! (hell, sometimes i'm disappointed that he's not a 1st grader anymore). but no. she was SO excited. she talked his ear off and made him play with her non-stop. and lucky ben - his flight got bumped for an extra 2 days because of the snow in denver!!

they had the most fun and she is so bummed that he's not still here. she wants to call him every day but alas, whenever we call he is either sleeping or not there. damned teenagers! and seriously, how cute are these two?