the best way to wake up.

now, we've not been getting much sleep for the past 6 months but it doesn't seem to matter once 6 (if we're lucky) rolls around. gideon stops chomping on the boob in a frantic manner and suddenly is awake. wide awake. with the giggles and the putting of his fingers in our mouths and rolling back and forth between us. and then we hear mia in the next room exclaiming, "hey guys, i made it light!" as she turns on her bug light. she's known how to do this for ages and ages but suddenly it's as though she's creating light from scratch and oh! what a miracle she's performing! and then there is family snuggling and giggling.

of course then we start in with the whining and the pooping and the rest of the things that will fill our day until nighttime. but those few minutes first thing in the morning? make the sleep deprivation worthwhile.

mooma nuba booba

mia is making up her own language these days. makes us all repeat it. speaks to her animals in tongues. her imagination is taking shape so beautifully these days. so big. so crazy. she makes "beds" all over the house with baby blankets, tucking us all in and singing us songs.

it's definitely something to do with the age, which i think is odd. i met her uncle, ze'ev when he was 2.5 and he was busily putting people to sleep. her friend "A" was doing the same thing when she was 2.5. josh and i both thought these were 2 of the funniest, most imaginiative, WEIRD little kids we'd ever met. and now we have one. it's pretty awesome.

she's also very shy right now. tells me she's going to be shy before we get to whatever event we're scheduled to. hides behind me for about 20 minutes and then lets loose with the crazy. typical toddler.

not so typical? she's weirded out by babies that aren't gideon. really weirded out. but when you really think about it? babies are weird. they stare, don't say anything, maybe babble unintelligibly, make sudden lunging movements before falling on their faces, are often covered in their own bodily fluids. i guess i forgot to tell josh how freaked out she was with the babies. he took her with him to drop gideon off at his class (per usual) when a 10 month old walked (yup) up to mia and squealed in her general direction. mia hid. nearly cried. stupid babies. hee.

breakthrough!

we have teeth, people. i repeat, we have teeth. and we hate them. they are evil and not really all that necessary.

so gideon's not a good sleeper. he's a sweet baby. he loves his mama (and her boobs) but he does not like to sleep alone. or without the boob. or while you sit. or for longer than 2.5 hours. that said...last week he started eating some rice cereal at night and lo! he slept! from 6:30 until between 1-3 in the morning. and then back down again until 6. it was miraculous. but then came saturday. saturday he decided that food was not only a waste of time but was disgusting as well. it's not a boob! and sleeping is also for babies. stupid babies who do not appreciate the boob. saturday night he was up every hour or so for a nibble and a cry. at 5 he was tired of talking happily to himself and nursing off and on. i felt a pinch, looked down and saw a happy, wide-eyed little boy stretching my nipple as far as he could and biting me with his very first tooth. "good morning mama, please wake up."

and so it began. there has since been little sleep. lots of crying. many fevers. and still no eating.

and tonight? tonight we have a stomach virus. i was laughing to myself as i wiped him down that josh and i used to wonder how we would know the difference between vomit and spitup with mia (mia who was never sick). ha! if you're wondering? it's not vomit.

debating with a toddler.

she'll win every time, i tell ya.

mia used to love cheese. only ate cheese. cheese cheese cheese cheese cheese. (of course she didn't poop for like a year but that's a different story) will she eat cheese now? no. "i don't like cheese, mama. when i'm grown up i will like it, but not now. i'm a little girl."

tonight i tried to explain to mia that there was cheese in her macaroni and cheese and that she liked to eat the cheese sauce so she likes cheese! no. no, she does NOT like cheese. she likes macaroni and cheese and that is made of the tiny cheese in the sauce. so there. no cheese for mia.

the gideon update.

my sweet boy.



at nearly 4 months old he:

* has the best giggle
* loves it when i drag my hair over his face and it takes his breath away
* complains with his deep little voice the moment he wets his diaper or is hungry - he's very serious and grumbly
* chews on anything and everything he can but prefers my fingers. teeth should be making their way in the mext month, i think.
* has fuzzy hair that grows straight up and then curls back on the ends. curly hair to come?
* is a total boob man. it took weeks before he finally agreed to take a bottle and i'm sure he's not happy about it. he would love it if i would let him sleep with my nipple in his mouth all night long. and sometimes i do.
* had the most edible parts. mia eas munching his cheeks the other day and informed me that they were "spicy!" and she needed her drink right away. his toes, however, taste like jelly beans.
* still won't sleep through the night. after an initial 4-5 hours he's up ever 2 hours like clockwork after that.
* has rolled over exactly 4 times front to back. shows no signs of wanting to do that again.
* has the best milk breath
* kicks and giggles like a madman when he's happy. which is a lot.
* is getting more tolerant of the carseat.
* thinks his sister is the most interesting creature in the world.

he no longer feels like a squishy baby in my arms and is heading to boyhood at an alarming rate.

still here. busier than ever.

the last few months have been so hectic. we were in albuquerque for 3 weeks visiting friends and family. the visit was both really long and way too short. 3 weeks is a long time to be away from your house with 2 small children but not long enough to catch up after a year away.

we stayed with my parents and mia and gideon shared the walk-in closet of the guest room. people think we're nuts for putting our kids in a closet for 3 weeks but i can assure you that they loved it. their own quiet space in an otherwise crazy household? they were in heaven once they settled in.

we had weddings and graduations to attend and the kids were superstars. mia is still pretending to be a "congratulations girl" (pretending to graduate like her uncles did).

mia fell in love all over again with her uncles and aunt. and it was amazing to watch them play with her. she tells me almost daily that she misses them, how much she loves them, and that they should come and visit her. and because her cousin, anthony, couldn't make it to grandma's to visit like we promised her she reminds me that she didn't get to play with "my cousin antony" and that she misses him.

her great-grandma moser gave her the softest teddy bear ever and she has been snuggling it non-stop. she also taught mia to give "smackeroos!" and that's what we get instead of kisses now. a month later and still with the smackeroos!

gideon spent most of his vacation on his back in the middle of an old ottoman, watching the world go by. josh and my dad would play the wii while standign over him and gideon would go nuts kickign and giggling with grandpa. fast friends, those 2. he even got a lesson on debating. sigh...

we came home with 2 weeks of maternity leave left. 2 weeks to soak up the kids and get out as much as we could before we were locked back into a real schedule. 2 weeks to get gideon to take a bottle.

i never dreaded coming back to work when i had mia. i knew i had to, knew she'd be ok at daycare and wasn't all that concerned. with gideon i knew what i was going to be missing and dreaded the end of every day because it brought us one day closer to the end of my leave. and gideon still wasn't taking a bottle.

we started the daycare/work routine on a friday just to test the waters and it's a good thing we did. mia had a great time - was beyond excited to get back to her friends. not gideon. gideon refused the bottle. refused to nap. we both cried. and as i sat there nursing him on my lunch break i looked around the room and realized that these tiny babies? they were going to be his friends one day. that he was going to grow up here. learn to roll* and crawl and walk and talk and play with other kids. these kids. he was growing up right before my eyes.

so that's where we're at. back to the grind.

* gideon did roll over for me right before he went back to daycare. but hasn't since and that's just fine with me.

grandma is here!

we talk to my mom every day on the phone. i'm sure she's sick of hearing from us all at this point but she still came to visit us for a week (and is taking us back with her for 3 weeks). mia jumped all over her right away and hasn't stopped with the "grandma grandma grandma!" it's as though they see each other all the time. i hope we manage to catch some of their connection in pictures over the next couple of weeks. it's fun to watch mia when my mom does something that mia thought only i did. i play with mia just the way my mom played with me. sing the same songs. tell the same stupid jokes. so thanks, grandma, for making me a good mom. teaching me the fun and the love to share with my kids. grandmas. they are awesome.

in other news - gideon's been here for 9 weeks now. can you believe it? probably. but i can't. as of this week he is 13 lbs. 15 ozs. holy crap. mia was 14 lbs. 4 ozs. at 4 months.

mia-isms

#1

mia: i have a question.
dad: what is your question mia?
mia: don't talk about ducks.

#2

not today daddy, maybe tomorrow (while shaking her finger at you).

where do the days go?

i'm not quite sure how over a month has gone by since last we checked in here. i'll do my best to record the things that have happened. the things that have changed. and the things that make my heart stop every day.

mia - a month in review

she's 2.5 years old now. pretty soon she won't be a toddler anymore. she's a big girl now and she'll be the first to tell you that. i thought that she might regress a bit more than she has. that she would want more cuddling and babying. but no. i even try and tell her that she's my baby girl. that she can be a big girl and still be my baby. she's not buying it.

she's throwing a lot more tantrums these days but i think that is more a combination of the boredom of being at home all day, knowing more of what SHE wants and trying to assert her independence.

the hilight of the year so far as been going to a wiggles concert. that's right. a wiggles concert. and oh my god! did we ever have a good time! josh got 2nd row tickets for us and our friends, conchita and josie. it was so funny watching the girls try and figure out what the hell was going on. it took 15 minutes or so to get them to stop looking at the giant tv screen and realize that THE WIGGLES ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!! it was the best concert ever.

she's non-stop with the talking. non-stop. it's pure crazy making most days. but oh, her imagination! it's really getting fun to listen to her play in her room or talk to gideon while i'm out of the room. right now i have to fight with her every day to go to the park as she would rather spend an hour in her "pretend park" (her room) making castles and serving me wooden sushi for lunch.

the holidays have come and gone for the spring season, too. we had a nice passover with seders at both josh's parents' house and a friends' house. matzah everywhere! we spent easter alone at the house and josh made sure that mia had an easter basket and hunt of her very own (while gideon slept inside). photos are on flickr - please cruise on over there if you get a chance.

gideon - a month in review

in 2 days my baby boy will be 2 months old. he is already not quite as schlumpy and squishy as a newborn. holding his head up more and more throughout the day. he's strong as an ox. kicking and trashing his arms about. my fierce little warrior. just thinking about how quickly he's growing makes me tear up.

his baby acne went from bad to worse to terrible cradle cap that spread to his face and ears. i think he might have mild excema, nothing terrible, but still, no fun. the acne has cleared up. the cradle cap comes on in spurts and we're keeping the rash to a minimum by not letting him get too hot. but still, his face isn't baby smooth. he's a guy, what can i say?

at 5 weeks he started smiling on his own. by 6 weeks it was all about mama. and now he's giggling, screeching with joy (as well as shrieking when unhappy) and responding to tickles from his big sister and i. and what makes him laugh the most? filling 3 diapers in a row (waiting until the next one is on before pooping again, of course) and peeing all over the wall, changing table and himself). because that? is hilarious.

he loves baths. either on his own on the floor of the tub or floating with me in the deep water. and for a moment afterwards, while josh lathers him with lotion, he is soft.

he hates being in the car when the car isn't moving. initially he hated being in the car at all because he was in the infant car seat (at the highest setting) but we took him out of that really fast and put him in the same car seat that mia's in and he's like a fat man in a lazy boy. comfy and happy. as long as we're moving, that is.

he loves being in the pouch. all curled up tight against my chest. carrying him in the pouch and nursing him to sleep are the two things i will miss most when he's grown.

also loving? the stroller. we have this awesome phil & ted's stroller where he gets to lay down, unrestrained, and either sleep or look up at me while i push him. it's awesome.

he's not sleeping through night yet. it's not killing me yet but soon it will be. one can only take 3 hour stretches of sleep at a time for so long. it's gotten a lot better since we moved him into his own room, though. that's right, people. he's in his own room. it started with me not being able to sleep with him in my armpit anymore. so we moved him to the mini co-sleeper attached to the bed. but he was too big. everytime he thrashed about he would end up with his face pressed against the side and try to nurse. and get pissed off. and scream. and end up in my armpit again. but oh, he's loud. and he trashes about. so for 2-3 hours we'd lay there awake while he slept loudly and violently between us until 20 minutes before he needed to eat again. so yeah. he's in his own room now. we had to buy a velcro swaddling blanket for him because he's too big and strong to hold in a recieving blanket. and now he's happy and quiet and in his own room. it's funny that i would have felt terribly guilty with putting mia in her room so fast (she didn't go in her crib for 4.5 months) but i don't here. i'm much more realistic. he's happy and asleep. i'm getting 3 hours now. all is good.

so that's it. a month in review with tons and tons of stuff that i missed, i'm sure.

week 3

week 3 has brought us:

* smiles for mama.
* the worst baby acne i've ever seen.
* more awake time.
* more eating!
* already growing out of clothes
* baby hair as soft as a chick's feathers is starting to fall out in patches
* no more stump (actually fell out exactly 14 days after birth - same as mia)
* the beginnings of cooing and not just screaming
* swaddling at night - he still freaks out when asleep, flailing and punching mama in the face. good times.
* nicknames (for parents only!!). we agreed on his name with the condition that nicknames not be allowed. no "gid" or "giddy" would be tolerated. and then i started calling him "bubba" (what?! he's BIG) and then josh started calling him "bubba gid". you (yes, this means YOU) are not allowed to call him this. thank you :)

dimples for everyone!

i don't really think or care about who my kids look like. as a matter of fact, it annoys me to no end when people pick apart their features. they are their own people. they look like THEM. they have their own special mix of genes and don't really look like anyone in particular. they have their own very distinct personalities. they are awesome and they are all their own.

but. dimples.

one of the few things i have always liked about myself and secretly hoped my kids would have. mia has them on the back of both shoulders (as do i) and gideon has a deep one right in the middle of his fat little right cheek (mine is on the left). do they look like me? no. do they look alike? no. but they have the dimples. and they have each other.

mia logic.

mia: i have a question.
me: what's your question, mia?
mia: don't touch my stuff. what's my next question, mom?

mia: i have an idea.
me: what's your idea, mia?
mia: don't eat my snack.

bye, daddy.

today was josh's first day back at work. our first day without daddy around to play, change diapers and help out. we were lonely but it actually went ok. and we even had to leave the house.

my first time leaving the house with 2 kids and we all returned home unscathed. we went to a dr. appt. downtown (which required a whole parking deal and multiple trips in the elevator) and a trip to the park. all before lunch. we even all got naps in before we started on household chores. pretty successful, i think. maybe not so fun for mia - but not terrible, either.

and josh? well the last time i talked to him he said that yes, of course he missed us, but it was much easier to be really busy at work than be at home with me and the kids. duh.

breastfeeding & weights / measurements

i had been looking forward to breastfeeding again for the last couple months of my pregnancy. i enjoyed it so much with mia - the closeness, the quiet time, just her and i - and from the moment i weaned her at 15 months i wished i had waited a bit longer. there are things that she did just days old that she still does - it's pretty amazing to me how much she was already her own person (she used to grab my finger with her tiny hand and then make me hold her foot in my hand while she stretched her legs out - she still likes to do this 29 months later). that said, there are some things i had blocked from my memory. and they all came rushing back within the first day with gideon.

gideon latched on like a champ within 5 minutes. and didn't let go for 45 minutes. he ate and ate and ate every hour or so for the next 2 days. unfortunately, my milk didn't come in for 4 days. i had forgotten how quickly my nipples could blister, crack and bleed. and how long it would take for them to heal. as soon as it started happening it all came back to me, though. i was more braced for the pain and knew that as soon as my milk let it would be over. and it was. the last scabs (ew! scabs on my nipples!) fell off on day 5 and haven't returned since and it's been smooth sailing.

at gideon's 1 week check up they measured him at 22" (he didn't grow an inch in a week, they said the babies don't really stretch out completely at that first measurement and that this is his real birth measurement) and 9.1 lbs. - only 3 ounces less than at birth, which is great!

while we were there we had mia weighed and measured, too, and she came in (fully clothed) at 33" and 26 lbs. she finally seems to be really growing! of course gideon will probably be as heavy as her in no time at all.

i've fallen.

i've fallen in love with another man. he's short and not very well spoken. he doesn't have much hair, has bad skin and is a bit cross-eyed. he's incontinent. he sleeps a lot. doesn't have a job. but oh...i can't help myself.

i knew i would love him. i've loved him for 10 months already. but to see him here, in my lap. watching him sleep, listening to his tiny snore...i'm a goner. and it's going by so quickly my heart hurts. he's not even 2 weeks old and things are already changing. his eyes are open more. focused more (even the lazy one!). he is starting to pay attention as i'm talking to him during diaper changings. and tonight, for the first time, he kept his eyes wide open while he nursed. soon he will be looking at me while he's eating and then my heart might just explode.

and can someone please explain to me just how they can possibly smell so good all the time? i know if i didn't bathe and pooped my pants all day i wouldn't smell that good.

settling into our new roles.

we all have new roles in the house these days. old jobs we'd forgotten about and new ones we didn't know we'd have to take on. mia has had more adjustments to make than anyone (well...maybe not as much as gideon...) and she's been a star.

where josh and i have been getting used to breastfeeding, diaper changing and sleep deprivation mia has had to get used to sharing her parents, being out of school, a baby in mom's bed and having to use her "inside voice" more and more each passing day.

we were so worried that she was going to start acting out, insisting on sleeping in our bed, becoming more and more attached to one of us and being resentful of gideon. so far we haven't had to deal with too much. her sleep routine has shifted a bit - it takes her longer to settle into bed at night and she insists on napping in our bed during the day. but that's it. she is sweet as can be with gideon (when she remembers that he's here - he sleeps a LOT still) and is very understanding when we can't attend to her right away because we're busy with the baby or something else in the house.

of course...josh is still home full time. she still has attention from one of us pretty much whenever she wants. starting next week this could be a whole different ball game. please wish us luck.

induction, labor, birth, BABY!

nearly 2 weeks ago i had a baby. what follows is a blow by blow of the induction, labor and (finally) birth of gideon eugene klapow:

02/14/07
12p – i check in at L&D for induction. starting to get nervous about it all – hoping it goes well. i give my urine sample, change into the gown and am hooked up to the monitors to watch the baby’s heart rate and my contractions. same story – i’m having contractions every 10-15 minutes, at some point they change to 5-10 minutes. strong but not strong enough to be too uncomfortable. and completely ineffective. they’ve been like this for weeks now.

1:30 – in goes the IV. holy hell this was a pain. yhe nurse has a nursing school resident following her today and she’s assured me that she’s pretty good at IVs and so she’s going to let her put mine in. i tell her that it’s ok but that i’m not overly thrilled with IVs anyway. it’s a good thing the primary nurse stayed in the room as the resident shot through my vein, tried to come back up and then wiggled that damned needle around for a while before the nurse made her take it out and applied tons of pressure to my arm so that i wouldn’t end up with a crazy bruise. and then they had to put it in again. and on that one they watched and watched, expecting my arm to fill up with fluid (it didn’t!). so far i’m not feeling all that comfortable with things…and of course josh is at my side, letting me squeeze the hell out of his hand and about to pass out. but he didn’t – and i’m totally surprised and impressed.

2p – they start pitocin and plan to up the dose every 30 minutes until things level off and start really working. josh leaves to go and get something to eat, check the dog, post to flickr, etc.

2:20 – a tech is called from the lab to take my blood samples. thank god.

2:30 – at this point i’m having more contractions but they’re not nearly as strong. i snuggle up in bed with some This American Life podcasts and take a quick nap.

4p – josh comes back just in time to unplug all my cords so that I can run to the bathroom. whew! as i’m in the bathroom the resident nurse comes in to turn up the pitocin (we’ve gone from 1-8 now). i will be locking the door on all future trips to the bathroom.

5p – josh sneaks me ½ a cliff bar to munch on and just as he hands it to me the nurses all walk in to check things and i’m forced to quickly hide my contraband before it is seized and i am reprimanded. josh is in the corner trying very hard not to laugh at me. I AM BORED.

6p – and now it’s 6. i’ve been on the pitocin for 4 hours now and it doesn’t really seem to be working. the nurse doesn’t seem to think that it’s odd but I’m getting nervous. after all, mia took 2 inductions. and by this time with the second try i was well into labor. not so much with this one. they’re not going to turn it up at this point, though. i’m having runs of contractions and the baby is decelerating a bit during them (normal) and they don’t want to “rocket the baby out”. so we just sit and wait and see. oh yeah, and i’m all kinds of swollen from the IV drip and sitting around. good times. josh is bummed he didn’t bring his Wii with him. And i’m so bored i’m letting him watch basketball. not looking like we need to worry about the possibility of a valentine’s day baby, though. and now Josh is on his way to rent a movie or two, get some dinner (that he had better not bring back and eat in front of me!) and maybe even post this to the blog.

7p - almost as soon as josh left my doctor showed up to check and see how things were going. by now they had upped the pitocin to "8.0" and my contractions were clustering up quite a bit. 3-4 big ones in a row and then a break. i still wasn't really feeling them any stronger, though. the doctor was pretty surprised by that and said something about how well i must tolerate pain. um...no. and then they noticed that the baby wasn't really liking all the contractions together like that so they decided to stop the pitocin for a while and let me eat. before she had the words out of her mouth i was on the phone to josh requesting mass amounts of food. you know, to add to the dinner they were going to feed me in the hospital. who knew when they would offer me food again?! and so the pitocin stayed off for a couple hours and we stuffed ourselves.

9p - back on the pitocin now and we try to watch a movie. but we're both so drained from the long day we've had that we decide to try and nap instead. it's here when the tired really hits me. i start crying and crying. i'm so tired and so disappointed at how things are going. but soon enough i calm down and we sleep.

02/15/07
12a or so - my doctor calls to give us a couple options. we can either keep trying with the induction and probably have to deliver with another doctor (she stops being on call at 8am) or we can go home first thing in the morning and come back on friday (the 17th). josh and i look at each other and know right away that there is no other option for us. we're not leaving. there is no way we are going to leave after all this time only to have to start over again on friday morning. so we push on. back to napping. if only the nurses did come in every 30 minutes to up the pitocin, check my blood pressure, etc.

4a - after catching maybe 3 total hours of sleep i watch josh sleep and wait for 5am to roll around so that i can get up and take a shower - josh should really get as much sleep as possible. after all, after i have the baby he's going to have to take care of mia while i rest in the hospital.

4:45a - the nurses come in to check my cervix and up the pitocin yet again. i tell them that i'm going to take all my monitors off for a few mintues and take a shower and they tell me - get this - that i "can't". ha! i tell them that i can and i will be taking a shower now, thank you. so they turn off the pitocin, huff and puff and go away for a while. the shower is beyond relaxing and gets me ready to start another day of induction. here we go again. and this time i'm 3cm dilated!

5:30a - shift change. the new nurses come on and the lead nurse tells me that i seem grumpy. huh? poor josh, he knew i was going to lose it. and i do. i had been in the hospital for over 17 hours at that point. little to no sleep. so yeah, lady, i'm grumpy. we did not start off on the right foot.

8a - the on call doctor shows up for rounds. she checks me and verifies that i am 3cm dilated and that my cervix is soft - but very high. she offers to break my water and get things moving. but i decline. as silly as it sounds, i'm afraid of the pain. my cervix is so tender on a regular day and the average cervical exam is very painful for me. i'm not really looking to have a crochet hook set up there. besides, my water broke on it's own with mia. sure, it took a long time, but it broke. and we've already been here a long time. i can tell she thinks i'm making a mistake but she doesn't try to push me.

11a - after another 3 hours of unsuccesful induction and another crying jag (or 2) i finally ask for the doctor to return and break my water.

1:30p - the doctor shows up and checks me, still at 3cm. i brace myself and in she goes with the crochet hook to break my water. it is as uncomfortable as i thought it was going to be but it's over fairly quickly. gush! it's the same as i remember it from when i had mia. like peeing your pants - sudden and warm. and such a relief. the contractions are instantly worse. the difference between the contractions with and without the bag of water is crazy. all those women out there that labor without relief to the end? you have my utmost respect. that shit is crazy painful. after 15 minutes i ask for the epidural.

2:10p - the anesthesiologist arrives with the drugs - woo hoo! my epidural with mia was quick and painless. over before i knew it began. i told the doc he had big shoes to fill as i expected the same treatment. unfortunately it went about as well as my IV placement. 2 tries and 20 minutes before it was done. more than the discomfort of getting the needles and whatnot in right i remember my water continuing to flow. with every contraction i had it felt like my water was breaking all over again. i told the nurse it seemed like a lot - that i wasn't sure whether or not i actually was peeing myself. she told me it was normal and i know she thought i was exaggerating. well after 20 minutes of water gushing out she went to clean me up and was blown away by the lake i was sitting in. it was pretty gross. and not at all warm by that point. but in a matter of minutes i couldn't feel it anymore.

3p - all cleaned up and feeling numb i settle in for the rest of the waiting game. they keep the pitocin on for about an hour to make sure that the contractions keep up at a steady pace. and once they turn it off the contractions stop all together. grr. so back on the pitocin i go.

4p - our friend, lisa, brings mia by for a visit. she's a little wary of all the tubes and the hospital in general but is soon acting like her normal weird self. crawling all over me and asking for a snack. she gives me lots of hugs and tells the baby to get out already so we can meet him/her. and within 20 minutes she's telling josh that she's "ready to leave the hospital now" and lisa takes her away. it's now that i realize that soon (no, really!) we will have another one here. soon mia really will be a big sister. not in theory but in reality. she will have to share us. we will have to share her. soon we'll be parents again. soon i will have to try and push a potentially HUGE baby out of my body. ah! the nurses tell us not to expect anything for another 4 hours and josh decides he needs a nap.

5p - the nurses come in to check me and holy moly i'm at 7cm! hooray! they are still convinced that it will be another 3 hours before go time, though.

6p - my epidural this time around is dramatically different than it was with mia. so much better. i can feel my legs. i can feel all of my contractions. not in the way that they are painful - just in that i can feel my muscles tightening and i know where they are focusing their efforts. and thank god i can feel them this time because i know that things have moved quickly. i call the nurse in and tell her that the baby is ready. i can feel the contractions in my rear end. please check me already. and i'm right. the baby is right there. it's time to push. they run out of the room, grab me a mirror and call the doctor. and we start the pushing game. i have let the nurses know that there will be no cheering on their part. no overly enthusiastic "way to go!"s, please. they roll their eyes a bit but agree. the mirror is awesome. a little shocking at first - but just amazing. and really, really helpful. between the lightish epidural and the mirror i can feel and see just what i need to do in order to get the baby out. i honestly didn't even think about how big s/he could be once i started pushing - just that i needed to push. i could see the muscles working and then i could see the baby. amazing. i reached down and felt his head - so squishy and wet - the strangest thing i've ever felt. and then i pushed again and the head was out. i could feel the relief in my body. another push and and the body slipped out. it was over. and it was all beginning. and i heard the words, from josh, for the first time "it's a boy". this is where i am so proud of josh. he fought against himself and watched the baby being born. how he didn't pass out i'll never know but i'm so glad he was able to share in watching our son join us.

6:47p - they laid him immediately on my chest and josh cut the cord. they did what they needed to do with him (eye goop and whatnot) while he was still on my chest, i delivered and got to view my placenta and then everyone left the room. we were left alone with a nursing baby for just over an hour. he nursed well and immediately for 45 minutes. right away i couldn't imagine him not being with me. was he ever really inside me? when they finally did do weights and measures he came in at 9 lbs 4 oz and 21 inches long. how in the hell did i manage that? and how was it easier than with mia? crazy.

so there you go - we have a son, Gideon Eugene. and he's amazing.

tomorrow is a big day.

yes, tomorrow is valentine's day. never a big hit with me. never. hate it. ugh. but! mia's got a pizza party tomorrow at school (her first pizza party - how cool is it that she's grown up enough for a pizza party?) and she's beyond excited. pizza!! party!! school!!

and.

they're inducing me tomorrow at noon. we're actually going to have another baby. crazy.

today mia woke up her usual happy self and came to snuggle with me in bed before abandoning me for hot milk and barney (some things are just bigger than mom, you know). after josh took her to school he came home and we spent a couple hours lounging around the house and playing zelda. seeing as how i was up with insomnia from 3-5 i even got to sleep in a little late. then we enjoyed a nice vietnamese lunch and a little shopping before picking mia up again. we headed to the hospital for one last non-stress test and then out to our last dinner as "just 3".

there were a lot of "lasts" this weekend and today. i just tucked mia into bed as an only child for the last time. sang her the songs that have been just hers for the last time (as she'll have to share them soon). one last ride in the car with just one full carseat. one last night without a baby. this is the last night with my big baby belly. the last night i'll feel the baby kicking and squirming about on the inside of me. probably the last night i will ever be pregnant again. which is kind of freaking me out as i truly love being pregnant. even when it's really really hard? it's just as wonderful. and i'll never get to do it again.

of course i also finally get to meet this little person who has been causing me so much trouble. seriously? stretchmarks? your sister didn't think it was necessary to give me stretchmarks. did i do something to offend or embarass you already? probably, yes. and what's with the possibility of you being so big?! there is one side of our little family square that has big people. one. and you had to pull from that gene pool?

there are also a lot of "firsts" around here. tomorrow will be the first time that mia sleeps without us - and the first time that i sleep without her. her first sleepover at a friends house! and when she wakes up on thursday (or at least by the end of the day)? she'll be a big sister. that's huge.

and josh and i will be parents to two children. huh? how did that happen? we were just 20 years old the other day and suddenly it's 11 years later and we're married with two kids. and the time only seems to go by faster each day.

pregnancy - 41 weeks and counting

first, here are some pictures from last weekend. the belly, it's taken over.





at a week past due the doctor starts you on non-stress tests to watch the baby's heart rate and make sure that your fluid levels are ok on a regular basis - that started yesterday. the baby looks good. so good, in fact, that s/he's decided that s/he doesn't ever want to come out. just like mia. what is it with these stubborn babies of mine? i don't know where they could get that. sheesh! my contraction pattern is steady all the time but unfortunately it's not doing anyone a lick of good. i have not progressed at all and things aren't looking good for a natural start to this labor. we're talking induction and/or c-section these days. it's good to have a plan going because honestly? i don't think i can handle this pregnancy much longer.

physically i'm just beat down. i feel, literally, as though i've been kicked in the crotch all day long. i have a hard time finding my balance when i stand up. the stretch marks are running a wicked race along the front of my belly and starting to actually hurt. i can't sleep at night and end up napping for hours and hours during the day. i am swollen from head to toe. all this and i know that i'm going to miss my pregnant belly. how is that even possible? oh, and as of today the dosctors are measuring the baby (+/- a pound and a half) at 9.4. HA!

emotionally there are days when all i can do is cry and nap. nap and cry. i'm so tired and uncomfortable now i don't want to move and all of these things are adding to my general depression. depressed about still being pregnant, having to go through induction again, not being able to really keep up with mia, and other various things that have nothing to do with anything. good lord it's time to move on to the next stage in the hormone roller coaster! and that's scaring the crap out of me, too. much to my surprise i didn't get ppd with mia. i was totally expecting it as i was being treated for depression when i got pregnant and was a (normal) hormonal mess while pregnant. but it never came. this time around i'm much more, shall we say, sensitive at this point and it's got me worried. after all, i didn't have to worry about a toddler the first time around. and newborns? they're a cake walk compared to a toddler.

i'm worried about what kind of mother i'm going to be to two children. right now i'm already so much more and less of the mother i thought i would be. all at the same time. does that make sense? there are things i never thought i would be able to handle and there are days when i catch myself doing things i swore i never would. but just how am i going to manage two? two who will be completely different. require me to switch gears all day long? will i be able to be the mom/teacher/playmate that mia needs while she's home with me on maternity leave? will i be able to recognize everything the new baby needs while handling mia? and will i get lost in the shuffle and forget to take care of myself this time around? and josh and i just seemed to fall back into our own relationship - will it take another two years to find each other? all these things have me up at night.

i can't wait to meet this new little person. really. and i already can't imagine having made the choice not to have another child. but still. i'm scared. and most days i just want MY mommy.

39w6d and bored.

according to the doctor i'm 1cm dilated and 75% effaced. which is more dilated than i was with mia at this point so that's something, i guess. but i've gained significantly more. at 40 weeks with mia i had only gained 28 lbs. this time around i have already gained 39. and i can feel it. i'm really not sure how i haven't broken a hip or tipped right over.

anyway...i'm bored, people. bored to tears. not bored enough to keep mia home with me, of course. no point in both of us being bored all day. and not bored enough to tackle the piles of laundry building up behind me. or bored enough to walk the dog (what? it's cold!). but bored enough to complain about it and then find something to eat while finishing up the blanket i started nearly 2 years ago. at least i'm getting something done, right? i was having more braxton hicks last night as i lay in bed so i started to visualize things progressing. but then i got bored and fell asleep.

so here i sit (while bouncing on my yoga ball), bigger than big, drinking double amounts of raspberry leaf tea to "tone my uterus" and waiting. just waiting.

potty training and big kids and chicken suits, oh my!

mia has completed her first week in the "big kid" class and begun full time potty training. we were so worried that she would feel overwhelmed by it all and that the potty training might freak her out a bit. we should know better than to worry about her by now.

at the end of her first day she was stoked about the big kid class and all the new things she had to do and play with. she even knew a handful of kids in the class from her old class. and the best part (for us, at least)? she hasn't had one accident since the potty training began. not one. not at school, not at home, not even on the weekend. and she's only woken up wet twice in the last week. it's really pretty amazing.

one of her favorite teachers sent home a card for her that said "thank you for being socially competant". there must have been a mixup at the hospital, right? :) hee.

she's also becoming more insistent on what she wears and how her hair is done (or in most cases simply not done). last night she went to bed in pajamas and a pullup per normal and played and giggled in her bed for 10 minutes or so. when i went to check on her before heading to bed i damn near peed myself. she had stipped naked (including her pullup) and had replaced her pajamas with her favorite outfit - her chicken suit. she let me put the pullup back on but there was no way in hell she was going to let me remove the chicken suit without a fight, so i didn't. this morning she woke up so proud of herself. she was still a chicken! and a chicken with dry pants!

Impending fatherhood

**originally written by josh just before mia changed our lives. thank you, mom, for holding onto this for me.

I don't write too much about the fact that I'm going to be a dad in the next couple months, not because I'm not excited or anything like that, but mostly because it's an experience so many others have gone through that I don't think it would be all that interesting to anyone else. And really, I don't have much to say beyond "I'm excited." I imagine it will be quite a shock when that baby finally pops and I'm suddenly a dad, but dads don't bond till the baby's out, moms have 9+ months of bonding before there's a baby in the world. I've prepared myself the best way I know how and try to take advantage of the time to myself I know I won't have come BIRTHday. But really, it's hard to think about anything other than the pregnant wife, as I won't have any idea what my baby will be like until s/he's out. And the pregnant wife is quite a lot to think about and if I stop thinking about the pregnant wife I'll surely be reminded in the next two minutes. I suppose that, in a way, taking care of a pregnant wife is akin to taking care of a child. They are not shy about talking about bodily functions, they are unruly, impatient, seem to always have a booboo, need lots of love, always asking for something, blah blah blah. So that there is a preparation of sorts and a way of bonding with the baby in a six degrees of seperation kind of way. The baby needs me because my wife needs me. But it's a role sort of akin to a personal assistant to the bonding executive. I even have paperwork to complete, like daycare apps, finance papers for the babysafe car, and family leave forms. I'm certain it will all be worth it. My wife is hurting and impatient but all we both really want is to start being parents. The baby is a reward for enduring the punishment of pregnancy. I really believe that pregnancy is a punishment. As much as I know my wife loves me, pregnancy is hard on her emotionally and physically and incredibly hard on a relationship. Before pregnancy, a certain amount of selfishness in a relationship is perfectly acceptable. Pregnancy starts to break that down, codepency is no longer a psychological concept. My wife really needs me to help her physically and emotionally and I need her to prepare me to become a dad and that comes in the form of feeling the thumps from the lump (feeling the belly) and doing household projects to prepare. Following pregnancy, and I'm only guessing here, we become parents and the codependency shifts from her and I needing each other to the baby needing us. I am certain this will be more rewarding and for that I am truly excited. So come on baby, let's enjoy the fruits of mama's labor (pun intended)!

there's a lot of growing up going on these days.

things are really changing in our lives these days. especially for mia. she's growing up so fast, it seems. it must be really hard for her to handle all of the changes going on in and around her. some days (like yesterday...dear lord, thank you for putting yesterday behind us...) i think we get a glimpse into her teenage years. and i'm scared.

she's still a baby in so many ways but then she turns her head just so and says something completely adult and i realize how big she really is. she's nearly 2 and a half. she wants to be swaddled after her baths and rocked before bed time. but god help you if you try to help her into her seat for dinner or help her get her shoes on. "I CAN DO IT!!" when she's tired because she missed her nap (which she obviously didn't need, oh noooo...) she just cries and cries with the tired. telling me that she just needs to cry a little bit. and i know just how she feels. poor kid. at least she can tell lme how she's feeling these days - i've been waiting for that for a long time. to have a peek inside her crazy little head.

and today? today she's moving into the "big kid class". they're moving her up 2 months before she's scheduled because she's so "mature". just a couple weeks before she becomes a big sister. a couple weeks before she is pulled out of daycare until june. she's leaving behind all of her friends that she's known for the past year to join a class of kids that are much older, bigger and crazier than her.

AND! potty training. full on, no more pull-ups potty training. as of this morning my baby is a full time panty wearing little girl. and it's killing me a little.

as i got her ready for school this morning we were talking about her first day in her new class and she got this look on her face like she might cry. i asked her if she was nervous and she sat down on my lap and told me very matter of factly that "yes, mama, i'm nervous". and then she giggled and put on her big girl care bear panties, made sure her name was written in them and smiled the biggest smile you've ever seen. she was so proud of herself.

josh dropped her off this morning and said that she was a little overwhelmed but didn't cry. but i did.

pregnancy - 37w 4d

i went in today with really high hopes that things had progressed. i'd been having more and more intense braxton hicks contractions and my pelvis feels like it's being split open. good signs!

but no. nothing has progressed. and because the baby gave me a break in the pain and movements today the doctor gave me another ultrasound to make sure that the baby hadn't flipped into a breech position. it hasn't. it is, however, at an angle into my pelvis on the right side. just like mia was. and i haven't progressed at all.

i was told that the baby would not be coming this week and to get out and walk. at which point i had to try very hard not to burst into tears. i honestly don't know why i'm so obsessed with getting the baby out. other than being uncomfortable and fearing for a huge baby, i mean. it's just not ready yet - i just have to keep telling myself that. sure, i might be ready, but that means nothing. bah.

oh, and i gained another 3 lbs. since last week. damnit all to hell. not gonna stop me from stuffing my face with indian food at lunch, though.

panty watch.

seems like my whole life since the time i was 12 has revolved around the state of my underwear.

you spend all this time waiting to get your first period. and then it's here and you become obsessed with making sure you don't spot through your clothes at school. nothing is more terrible.

then you have the years where you are not ready to have a baby so you're constantly checking to make sure that you've started your period.

and then you make the jump to being ready to start a family and spend the next few years crying every time you start your period.

then you get pregnant and pray each day that you will not start spotting. "please don't let there be any blood" every time you go to the bathroom.

and now i'm at the point in my pregnancy where i'm hoping to see blood again. "please let there be some sign that this is coming to an end. bloody show - where are you?!"

but it's not just my panties i'm watching these days. mia's joining the panty watch party next week with full blown potty training. that's right. no more pull ups - panties only.

it's all panties, all the time around here, i tell ya.

josh here reporting post baby shower

So it's not unusual that I have someone call me over to discuss a computer problem in our sales office so I thought nothing of it when I got a call summoning me to one of the salesperson's office to fix a computer problem she could not explain. It was unusual to be pointed in the direction of the conference room when i knew full well that this salesperson did not work in the conference room. It was downright shocking to see all my fellow employees standing around a cake with a pretty yellow tablecloth and duckies adorning said table. And the shock had to be noticed by all in the room because I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks and I literally could not speak or process that my co-workers were throwing a baby shower for me.

I really thought I was invited there for someone else's birthday party but everyone was staring at me so eventually it sunk in that all these duckies were for me. It was shocking on a number of different levels. First, I'm a dude, so all modern conventions aside where it's not unusual for there to be co-ed baby showers, it is certainly not the norm. Secondly, I rarely socialize with my co-workers and over four years working here I have never received anything more than a card when my birthday rolls around. This last point is mainly of my own doing, I just am not a real social guy at work.

So all in all, they completely surprised me and I'm certain I was terrible at showing my gratitude because I'm just terrible at saying thank you properly but I think they got the point that I was pleasantly surprised.

just in time...

...for it to not be ok. mia, the kid who could not sleep in our bed not because we didn't want her to but because she would want to play and giggle and poke us in the eyes? wants to (and can) sleep in our bed. she has crawled into our bed the past 3 days and then gone back to sleep for over an hour each time. which is great in that she's sleeping longer. but not so great in that we have a queen and soon will have a little one in there for her to squish and be jealous of.

and what are we going to tell her? that there's only room enough for the baby? that's just awful. but i don't want to tell her she can't climb into bed with us for her last hour of sleep in the morning, either. i've been waiting 2 years for her to snuggle with me in bed. can't win, i tell ya.

in other news, i'm still pregnant. which i should be, i suppose, as i'm only 37 weeks along. but still. the increasing braxton hicks and trouble getting around have grown old. AND (this one is for all of you haters out there - you know who you are) i got my first stretch mark. it's little and not too dark (yet) but it's still there. right smack in the middle of my belly.

i've just been a bit of an emotional wreck this weekend. no c-section - hooray! but possible huge baby which could then lead to a c-section. crap! also, i am really excited and anxious to begin labor on my own this time. i didn't get to do it with mia and feel like i missed so much. of course, they'll probably want to induce me soon if i don't start progressing since they think the baby is big. and i really don't want that at all. and round and round it goes in my head until i just end up on the couch in a heap. crying for no reason and telling mia that no, i'm not sad, i got an owie but i'll be ok. stupid hormones and fake contractions giving me hope of delivering early.

but anyway...

we've begun to get things even more ready around the house. bought a crazy huge amount of diapers and wipes, there's the baby meds we might need, the lotions and creams i'm sure we'll need, etc. and today? today we shop for snacks. i plan to fill the cupboards with things to snack on so i won't have to either leave the house or cook for a while. hell, i should do that anyway as i neither like to leave the house or cook - new baby or not.

news is good.

so! the doctor just called and there is no sign of placenta previa! which means no scheduled c-section.

also, the baby is measuring at 7.2 lbs. holy wow. that's about what mia weighed when she was born at 42w 5d. holy mother. so i've been ordered to "get up and walk and get that baby out of there before it gets much bigger." and that's what i'll do, i guess. walk, clean, hell, jump up and down if i need to.

everybody together now - "get out, baby!"

no news is no news.

36w 4d and nothing to tell. had an appt. this morning and expected to hear the results of the ultrasound from monday but they hadn't recieved the results yet. they're supposed to call me with the results of those today, though.

what she could tell me is that i'm not quite 1cm dilated and my cervix is soft. and that she guesses that the baby is about 7lbs already. now we all know how guesses go but i still have at least 3 weeks to go - ah! i sure hope they call with the baby's actual measurements soon.

oh, and i'm 136lbs. 33 lbs gained so far.

pregnancy - 36 weeks

we had another set of ultrasounds yesterday to check on the baby's size and the palcenta's location but we won't know anything for certain until tomorrow. so why am i even bothering with this post, you might ask? well so that i can show you one of the two most beautiful babies in the world, that's why. i give you, el-bow:

as you can see s/he has the same lips and cheeks as mia already. and those are some pretty good parts, you know!

and then there's me. the carrier. how am i doing, you ask? i. am. done. i'm anxious to get this show on the road. i'm tired and uncomfortable and none of my clothes have fit for weeks now.

yesterday the ultrasound tech said that she "couldn't see" my placenta. which is good in that it's most likely moved out of the way of my cervix and so i won't have to have a c-section (again, we won't know that until tomorrow) but on the other hand - shouldn't she have seen it somewhere? i mean, we know it's in there, so where is it, exactly? doesn't give me too much confidence in her and i'm thinking that we might have to go back in for another round of ultrasounds. bah.

i got all worked up and upset about the possibility of having a scheduled c-section but after a few weeks and as i grew more and more uncomfortable the idea kind of grew on me. i would know when it was coming. i could take some time off beforehand without worrying that i was going to go really late again. it would be over soon! but now i'm back to square one. and having to reaquaint myself with the thought that this baby could be in here for a while and i can't plan a thing. but it's good. natural is better than an operation. i know that. but still. i'm done.

i do think that the baby will come out sooner rather than later, though. with mia i wasn't uncomforatble at all, really. i mean, i was huge and swollen but i wasn't really all that put out being pregnant. not this time. i feel the baby down low - much lower than i ever did with mia. my braxton hicks have been picking up over the past couple days and come this weekend i'll be "at term" and can safely have the baby. so maybe this one will be just as we thought and be the "anti-mia". in that it will come early and be a completely different kind of newborn. the good and the bad all rolled into one.

and how's mia handling this all, you ask? splendidly. we've set up the nursery complete with the swing, bouncy chair, baby toys, blankets, etc. and mia is in heaven. she has been playing quietly in the baby's room every day now. i'll find her all wrapped up in a blanket, bouncing in the bouncy seat and playing with a rattle. it really is sweet. and yes, it's a little weird and she might have a hard time adjusting at first but really? the baby can't play with most of these things for months anyway and mia has decided that it's her job to teach the baby how to do certain things. namely: how to sit up and how to play with it's toys. she's told me that she will help with diapers and give the baby lots of kisses. she asks us every day "is the baby coming?"

yesterday she could see the baby's face clearly in the ultrasound and it hit her a little more that there was a baby in there. she spent the rest of the day hugging and kissing the belly and watching it move. and last night every time she thought i was uncomfortable or in pain she would pat my shoulder and ask oh so sweetly "oh mama, the baby's moving?" i love that kid.

of course she's not all sunshine and rainbows right now - don't get me wrong. she's fully embracing the twos with all her might and has been standing her ground on things a lot more. she's also been a bit more emotional than we're used to. especially when she's tired. the other night she got to crying about something and couldn't calm down so she put her head on my belly and told me that she would "just cry a little bit, mama, ok?" and so she did. and then she was better. sometimes it just feels better to cry.

so yeah, i think she's gonna be just fine. sure, it might take a while and there will be bouts of jealousy, but that's normal and expected.

more bits

is it? - mia's new thing. she will tell you what something is: "the hat is purple, mama" and then, a second later, will say "is it, mama? is the hat purple?" she does this for everything. confirming that she was right in the first place and showing off her new questioning skills. her growing sentence structures really are amazing.

for the love of baby - mia now has 3 baby dolls. a cabbage patch kid ("big baby"), a regular baby ("other big baby") and a cabbage patch newborn ("little baby"). she insists that they all sleep with her and they take turns riding in the stroller. at least one of them always has a poopy diaper (which is weird since mia never has a poopy diaper) and they all need hot milk in their bottles. all day long. she is so ready for the real baby to get her. she asks me every day if the baby is coming. and when? wednesday? no, not wednesday, mia. but soon.

we've started preparing the nursery and have taken out old clothes and toys for washing. yesterday she took a teething ring out of the nursery and told me "this is for me, i'll take this home now." um, ok...when i told her what it was she put it back. she didn't want to play with anything that was meant for the baby to chew on, i guess.

but she's doing really well considering all the change in the house. she made me lie her down in the crib so she could stare at the mobile "like the baby" and giggled because she is obviously too big for a crib now. she told me all about her big bed and then went on to tell josh and i all the things she's going to teach the new baby to do when it gets here. like sit. and play.

she's gonna be an awesome big sister.

holiday review

whew, it's over! ok, i really shouldn't start it out like that, should i? it really wasn't so bad - i'm just tired and cranky and huge. it was actually a nice and mellow holiday season in our house this year. the last one for a long time, i'm guessing.

hanukkah!
mia's first realy hanukkah. sure, she was around last year but she didn't really know what the hell was going on and we were all sleep deprived what with having a 3 month old and all. so! this year josh's family made the trip to our house and we ate and ate and ate. at least i did. mia had (and loved) her first latkes. thank god. what would we do if she didn't eat them? oh yes, we would have had more for us. but the kid who doesn't really like potatos is starting to come around.

when we started lighting the candles she was all sorts of confused. she knew there were presents involved at some point (and had been very patient about it), mom had made a cake, and now there were candles. so far so good. and people were starting to sing! but wait. that's not happy birthday - what the hell is going on?! seriously, the look on her face as she looked at everyone singing the prayers was hysterical. like this was some great big joke and she had better get to open those presents, damnit!

and she did. and how. can you say spoiled? she didn't even get any presents from josh and i that night because, well, she didn't need them. her babi and zadi and aunt tracey and uncle adam took care of her, i tell you what.

but more than the presents she was so excited to have her cousins in the house. we don't see them nearly enough and they're really really great boys. at 12 and 10 you'd think they would get bored pretty quickly with a bossy 2 year old, right? nope, they played with her for 4 hours. she bossed them all around and showed off her room. they giggled and chased and she was in love. she still asks me nearly every day where they are and tells me she misses them.

the rest of the rest of the week was really low key and we didn't go anywhere. every night we lit candles after dinner and every night mia would light them and then bask in their glow for about 10 seconds. as though she was really soaking in the moment. and then she would turn and ask "presents now?" she caught on quick, that one.

what really struck me was that she was able to keep hanukkah and christmas straight in her head somehow. we've had the christmas and hanukkah decorations up since thanksgiving and there were even 1 or 2 presents under the tree. we told her once that she had to wait until christmas to open those presents and that seemed to be enough. she never really asked about them. sure, she would poke at them every now and again, but then we would hear her tell herself "wait 'til christmas." and put it back. hopefully this will continue.

christmas!!
for the first time in 5 years we didn't go back to albuquerque for christmas this year. i was too pregnant and mia isn't free anymore :( but you know what? it was really nice having our very first christmas alone. and our last christmas with just mia.

growing up, i hated how my dad woke us all up at 5:30 in the morning by banging pots together and making all sorts of other ridiculous noises. we still try and keep him under control when we visit. but now i sort of understand. josh and i were up at 5:30 laying in bed waiting for mia to wake up. she wakes up consistently between 6 and 6:30 every. single. day. so at 6 we got up and started the day. made coffee, started some food, checked the internet, did dishes (complete with pot banging), turned on some music, etc. then it was 7. then 7:30. the hell?!

finally, she came into the hallway and found us waiting for her like paparrazi with the cameras and the loud voices. we got some crazy dirty looks! until she saw the presents under the tree behind us. then it was game on.

i wish josh had gotten a picture of her opening her stocking because that was the one thing i don't really think she was prepared for. presents in the already cool oversized sock grandma had made for her. score!

and in the end she got all she really wanted. panties and a baby stroller. and then she was done with us.

new years! and uncle ben!

mia has been carrying around this 1st grade photo of her uncle ben for weeks now. she sleeps with it. it's her uncle ben. not mine. and certainly not yours. so there. so when he told us he was coming for a visit mia was beside herself. telling me that uncle ben was going to chase her and tickle her and sleep in her room. end of discussion.

i kind of worried that she would be let down when uncle ben showed up and wasn't a first grader any more but was, instead, a tall 17 year old man. a man! (hell, sometimes i'm disappointed that he's not a 1st grader anymore). but no. she was SO excited. she talked his ear off and made him play with her non-stop. and lucky ben - his flight got bumped for an extra 2 days because of the snow in denver!!

they had the most fun and she is so bummed that he's not still here. she wants to call him every day but alas, whenever we call he is either sleeping or not there. damned teenagers! and seriously, how cute are these two?