Impending fatherhood

**originally written by josh just before mia changed our lives. thank you, mom, for holding onto this for me.

I don't write too much about the fact that I'm going to be a dad in the next couple months, not because I'm not excited or anything like that, but mostly because it's an experience so many others have gone through that I don't think it would be all that interesting to anyone else. And really, I don't have much to say beyond "I'm excited." I imagine it will be quite a shock when that baby finally pops and I'm suddenly a dad, but dads don't bond till the baby's out, moms have 9+ months of bonding before there's a baby in the world. I've prepared myself the best way I know how and try to take advantage of the time to myself I know I won't have come BIRTHday. But really, it's hard to think about anything other than the pregnant wife, as I won't have any idea what my baby will be like until s/he's out. And the pregnant wife is quite a lot to think about and if I stop thinking about the pregnant wife I'll surely be reminded in the next two minutes. I suppose that, in a way, taking care of a pregnant wife is akin to taking care of a child. They are not shy about talking about bodily functions, they are unruly, impatient, seem to always have a booboo, need lots of love, always asking for something, blah blah blah. So that there is a preparation of sorts and a way of bonding with the baby in a six degrees of seperation kind of way. The baby needs me because my wife needs me. But it's a role sort of akin to a personal assistant to the bonding executive. I even have paperwork to complete, like daycare apps, finance papers for the babysafe car, and family leave forms. I'm certain it will all be worth it. My wife is hurting and impatient but all we both really want is to start being parents. The baby is a reward for enduring the punishment of pregnancy. I really believe that pregnancy is a punishment. As much as I know my wife loves me, pregnancy is hard on her emotionally and physically and incredibly hard on a relationship. Before pregnancy, a certain amount of selfishness in a relationship is perfectly acceptable. Pregnancy starts to break that down, codepency is no longer a psychological concept. My wife really needs me to help her physically and emotionally and I need her to prepare me to become a dad and that comes in the form of feeling the thumps from the lump (feeling the belly) and doing household projects to prepare. Following pregnancy, and I'm only guessing here, we become parents and the codependency shifts from her and I needing each other to the baby needing us. I am certain this will be more rewarding and for that I am truly excited. So come on baby, let's enjoy the fruits of mama's labor (pun intended)!